saying goodbye is a weird concept, we truly never want to say goodbye to people that mean the most to us, or that’s what we thought. in some ways saying goodbye isn’t always a bad thing though. I mean it’s got the word “good” in it so maybe sometimes a goodbye where we thought it would lead to a bad experience, was just a very good thing- something that needed to happen in order to cherish the time we have with the people who do not leave.
I have said goodbye to so many people, places, even something as seemingly minor as tv shows- but it’s safe to say not every goodbye was a good nor bad one. life teaches us a lot- and I think between a “hello” and “goodbye” there can be a beautiful, sad, terrifying or happy story.
it seems to me though that there is always an end and that’s a lesson.
this just got VERY deep… I am sorry- but I guess we need to deep our thoughts once in a while and just let things flow, let people go but in a way hold on to memories. once you’ve said goodbye to someone cause it turned out they mightn’t have been who you thought they were- it’ll hit you like a ton of bricks and feelings of having wasted all this time arise… but fear not- even if it seemed like it all went down the drain in maybe even just a matter of minutes… most people won’t stay forever but it’s the memories that will last.
I think the worst goodbyes are definitely the ones we don’t want to be doing, we don’t want to leave certain people etc. if it was up to us some people should never leave our side- it’s a normal human emotion, we don’t want to let go. sometimes we just want to be selfish and hold on to someone or something simply cause a goodbye wouldn’t be good in any shape or form. and you can’t really be mad at someone who’s just got a really hard time of letting go of something. having to force someone to let go is one of the harshest things one could do.
but I feel free to say there are also goodbyes- sorry can we scratch the “good” this time- that need to be done. some things do need an end and a “bye” will only mean “Break Your Ego”. stop forcing something that isn’t there- stop being available to people who’d leave in a heartbeat. what doesn’t serve you right, shouldn’t be at your table anyway. I’ve had one of those goodbyes- well byes- last month. let me tell you it felt GOOD, to finally release everything. I wrote about it:
the goodbye letter:
you truly broke my heart,
told me lies and kept me in the dark
do you really think trust is built this way-
the way you treated me?
do you really think what he had didn’t suffer-
suffer from what you’ve done
i’ve simply had enough of
you telling me lies and lies
i just want to go home!
precious time and effort dying on the spot,
moments of despair and panicking a lot
still being unaware of your disturbing secrets
i know you cant handle me leaving
but this is a formal goodbye!!!
so please do not ever try and reach me.
this was me realising at 3am that I was somewhat free- anxious- but free. it made me realise someone who I would have done anything for wouldn’t have done the same for me. I wasn’t up for that anymore, I didn’t want to be used anymore, I didn’t want to be tied to this person… rightfully so may I add, some people really aren’t who we think they are. my trust definitely needs to be built up again- and it’ll take a while.
it felt good having written it down, I kept on writing about how they made me feel whilst we were still friends… wasn’t good at all but I wouldn’t go because I wanted to help, which I did… all the time- but it seemed to not work for them and they made sure I felt bad every day… this is how you DONT do it.
that bye took so much weight off my shoulders and I am glad we don’t talk anymore- realising that is so powerful. think about how you felt whilst still speaking to them and then think about how you feel now reminiscing… if you feel better, free, lighter, calmer or any other positive human emotion then you made the right decision.
there are so many nuances to the word “goodbye” it’s insane. sometimes it takes some time to figure out which goodbye you just went through but that’s normal I guess.
hope you enjoyed my little poem and I can’t wait to speak to you soon. all the best my love.
and goodbye. xxx
ps. the good kind though.
lesley. xxx
Art Of Pretending 